I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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