Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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