i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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