@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
