i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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