i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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