D3 body, D1 cock
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
