So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
