I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Green mimosas i think yes
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
