you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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