Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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