Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
