Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
