Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
