Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
