Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
