Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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