so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
