I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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