sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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