i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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