after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
