hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
