i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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