I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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