More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
