Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
