she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
