Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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