i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
