they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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