I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
