Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
