are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
