I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
