hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
