i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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