i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
