I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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