Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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