I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
