There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I need moral support for this bender
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
