Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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