but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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