Me too!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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