two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
