Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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