Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
