I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Houston, we have a squirter
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
