I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize