bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I deserve this hangover.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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