Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
