dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
