He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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