Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need a beard to bite.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
