I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
