with your own penis?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
