Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
