I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
