Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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