Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am available for nakedness
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
