Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
