this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
