sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
