omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
