I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
not ubering you a puppy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
