Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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