Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Come on in and take your pants off
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