I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
