It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
